Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43: 18 - 19

A Valentine Kind of Love

            Valentine's Day. What do you know about its origins? I didn't know much, so I did a little research. It seems Valentine was a priest who lived around 278 A.D. under the rule of Emperor Claudius II, also known as Claudius the Cruel. Yikes! Dear old Claudius outlawed marriage because young married men preferred to stay home with their new brides rather than enlist in the army and march off to war. Go figure. As the story goes, Valentine, feeling the decree unjust, continued to perform marriages secretly until he was arrested and condemned to death. He was beaten and beheaded on February 14 around the year 270 A.D. Not what you expected for the origin of a holiday on which we celebrate romantic love with hearts and flowers? Me either!

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13).

            Laying down one's life doesn't always have to mean death the way it did for Valentine in Rome, or for Jesus on the cross in Jerusalem. Laying down one's life can mean something as simple as choosing to consider someone else's needs above our own. For instance, for me, leaving my favorite ingredient out a recipe because someone else doesn't like it is easy. But simple, doesn't necessarily easy. Rearranging my schedule to accommodate someone else's needs is a little more difficult. Forgiving someone for a deep hurt they've caused me? Now that one's pretty tough. It's good to have role models for the tough ones.

            When he was young, Joseph was mocked and despised by his older brothers who were dismissive and disrespectful toward him because they resented the favoritism shown to him by their father. They were angry when Joseph told them about the dreams he'd had. They were angry when their father gave only Joseph a beautiful, colorful coat. They were angry when their father sent Joseph to act as overseer and check up on them. Let's face it, where Joseph was concerned, they were just plain angry.

            So, you know the story (and if you need a refresher, it begins in Genesis 37), the brothers stripped Joseph of his coat, and sold him off to passing slave traders, dipping his coat in animal blood to suggest to their father that Joseph had been attacked and killed by a wild animal. Joseph lost his next coat when Potipher's wife grabbed it as he fled from her advances, and was subsequently thrown in prison for something he didn't do. Neither of these things would have happened to him if his brothers hadn't sold him away. Now that's a lot to forgive!

            Fast forward. Joseph has been brought from prison, and, as a result of interpreting Pharaoh's dream that predicted the coming famine, has been elevated to the second highest position of leadership in Egypt in charge of preparing for the famine. As a symbol of Joseph's new position, Pharaoh (and I love this little detail!) "removed his signet ring from his hand and placed it on Joseph's finger. He dressed him in fine linen clothing and hung a gold chain around his neck" (Genesis 41:42). God, through Pharaoh, once again clothed Joseph in apparel befitting his position of leadership and authority. This coat would not be stripped from him by anyone.

            Enter Joseph's brothers who are starving and begging to buy food from Joseph, though they don't realize it's him. They don't recognize him, but he recognizes them. I imagine that Joseph, unlike his bearded brothers, was clean-shaven and wearing his hair in Egyptian fashion. We already know he was wearing Egyptian clothing. Here is Joseph's chance to exact revenge, or even, as he may have seen it, long overdue justice. What does he do?

            Shocked by being in his brothers' presence for the first time since that terrible day they'd sold him away, Joseph is suddenly forced to revisit that old, deep hurt. At first, it seems Joseph toys with his brothers. He accuses them of being spies, throws them in prison for three days, then releases all but Simeon, sells them grain, secretly has their money put back in their sacks, sends them away, then calls them back to the palace and accuses them of being thieves.

            I think Joseph's actions may have served a two-fold purpose: determining what kind of men his brothers had become, and buying himself enough time to get his emotions under control. Buying oneself time before responding to a hurt as deep as Joseph's is always a wise move.

            Here are few indicators of just how deeply Joseph felt that old hurt:

• Joseph named his sons for his suffering. He named the firstborn Manasseh, which means, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household," and the next Ephraim, which means, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."
• After overhearing his brothers discuss their ancient sin against him, "[Joseph] turned away from them and began to weep. When he regained his composure, he spoke to them again" (Genesis 42: 24).
• Still concealing his true identity, Joseph, "looked at his brother Benjamin, the son of his own mother. "Is this your youngest brother, the one you told me about?" Joseph asked. "May God be gracious to you, my son." Then Joseph hurried from the room because he was overcome with emotion for his brother. He went into his private room, where he broke down and wept. After washing his face, he came back out, keeping himself under control. Then he ordered, "Bring out the food!"" (Genesis 43: 29 - 31).
• As a reminder of the prophetic dreams of his youth, Joseph placed his silver cup in Benjamin's grain sack and sent his brothers on their way again. Joseph then sent his palace manager to chase after them to say, "'Why have you repaid my kindness with such evil? Why have you stolen my master's silver cup, which he uses to predict the future? What a wicked thing you have done!'" (Genesis 44: 4b - 5).
• And again suggesting that old hurt his brothers had caused by mocking him for his dreams, "What have you done?" Joseph demanded. "Don't you know that a man like me can predict the future?"

And then, finally, "Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room and he said to his attendants, "Out, all of you!" So he was alone with brothers when he told them who he was. Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh's palace. "I am Joseph!" he said to his brothers. "Is my father still alive?" (Genesis 45: 1 - 3a).

            Joseph's brothers were stunned and, I imagine, shaking in their dusty, well-worn sandals, wondering what retribution Joseph might visit on them. What followed, they couldn't have imagined in million years.

            "I am Joseph, your brother whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don't be upset, and don't be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives" (Genesis 45: 3b - 5).

            Many years later, after their father died, the brothers worried that Joseph would now turn against them, but he once again he reassured them.

            "Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God?  But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.  Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them" (Genesis 50: 19 - 21).

            Do you hear the warmth in those words? This is forgiveness grown to maturity. Some things to note: This was a process; it didn't happen immediately. At first, Joseph refused to harm his brothers because he recognized that God had allowed the events that led him to this better time and place. Later, after many years of doing good to those who had hurt him so deeply, Joseph could respond to them with warm, kind, comforting words. Forgiveness can happen in an instant, but having a heart that's healed enough to feel affection can take years. From Joseph's story, we see that it's worth the work and the wait.

            So, Valentine's Day, the day of the year we celebrate romantic love by gifting cards, flowers, and chocolates, and going out to dinner, is actually rooted in a very different kind love, the kind of self-sacrificial love Jesus demonstrated by opening his arms on the cross, the kind of love Valentine demonstrated by continuing to perform weddings, the kind of love Joseph demonstrated by extending grace to the people who'd hurt him most.

            As Brother Lawrence puts it in The Practice of the Presence of God, "God regards not the greatness of the work, but the love which prompts it." So, by all means, let's keep giving cards and chocolates and going out to dinner! But to get the full benefit of Valentine's Day, let's remember the kind of love it actually represents.

Daye Phillippo

February 2019