"I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness." John 12:46

  Willing

As I was reading John's account of Jesus' crucifixion this morning, I read:

"Then the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and of the other who was crucified with Him.  But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs. But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out."  John 19:32-34

            And then, for the first time, I heard the pathos in this verse:

"And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe." vs 35

            John saw these events with his own eyes, heard the sounds, smelled the smells, was personally covered with the dust the angry mob stirred up.  He saw his innocent friend, Jesus, be ridiculed, despised, and beaten, saw Him suffer the indignities of an unjust trial and a cruel public death.  He then had to watch a soldier, perhaps casually, matter-of-factly in an it's-all-in-a-day's-work sort of way, or perhaps coldly and brutally in a power monger's heat of blood lust, thrust a spear into his beloved friend's broken body.  John must have felt pierced in his own body and soul at that moment, at that final, dehumanizing insult. I imagine he groaned audibly and wept openly.  His grief must have been physical as well as emotional and spiritual. Who of us could watch a friend die in such a way, could watch his or her blood literally be spilled out onto the ground? And then too, it must have been at that moment that John realized that Jesus really was dead.  The waves of grief that must have washed over him!

            John was in his old age when he wrote his gospel, though, as the pastor of the church at Ephesus, he'd been preaching it for decades.  He wrote almost a generation later than the other evangelists.  His writings are the last to be included in the New Testament canon. Yet, with the Holy Spirit's guidance, he was able to recall and record these events with an immediacy and clarity of detail that leaves its readers feeling as if they too had been there.   And though John experienced these events when he was a young man, the pain of that day and the moment of that cruel visceral thrust, was still vivid in his mind.  When I read his words, "And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe," I can almost picture him writing or dictating the words through gritted teeth. Picture him thinking, 'I'm going to get through the agony of reliving this so I can get it down on paper because people must hear so they can believe.'

            It was also John who related Jesus' words,

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." John 15:13

            I thank Jesus for laying down His life for me and including me as one of the "whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life," and I thank John for offering himself as a living sacrifice when he relived those grueling events and recorded those painfilled words so that I and others could hear and believe.  When I read them, may I be mindful of what it must have cost him to write them, and may I be as willing to give up my own comfort so others may believe.

Daye Phillippo

July 2008